No mother or father eagerly waits for their child’s upcoming outburst.
Instead of fearing it, turning each tantrum into a chance to learn could support your child in acquiring skills to manage their emotions better — capabilities they will need to attain joy and accomplishments as they mature.
Jazmine McCoy, a clinical psychologist in the outskirts of Atlanta, states that the occasional furious eruption is unavoidable. Your aim as a parent of young ones should not be to evade or hinder it at any cost. Rather, McCoy informs CNBC Make It: “The objective is to raise a child who can manage their fury in a wholesome manner.”
Understanding how to efficiently regulate emotions, particularly intense ones such as fury and despair, can assist children in developing resilience, enhancing their focus, and advancing cognitive growth, studies indicate. These abilities and characteristics are all pivotal to your children’s general accomplishments and welfare, according to psychologists.
For guardians, the method in which you speak about fury — specifically when reacting to an abrupt outburst — is crucial in instructing your child how to properly manage that emotion, explains McCoy.
“Feeling furious is acceptable,” she remarks. “Fury is a message-carrying emotion. It is present to communicate something meaningful. Thus, let’s give it our attention.”
Here are four steps to follow, according to McCoy:
Establish clear parameters
Children need to feel acknowledged and comprehended, particularly by their parents, McCoy emphasizes. They should be aware that intense, unfavorable emotions are normal — and that their parents are there to assist and will still unconditionally love them even when they are misbehaving.
However, embracing an emotion does not necessarily signify accepting the destructive conduct it may instigate, such as shouting or striking someone. In those instances, McCoy states that you can explicitly outline boundaries that should not be crossed.
“Suppose your child gets angry and begins shouting,” she articulates. “You can establish a boundary: ‘Hey, [this is] vital. I want to hear what you have to say. Yet, it is difficult to understand when you’re shouting … Let’s calm our bodies down.”
Recognize your child’s emotions
Acknowledging your child’s fury can help them articulate the intense emotions they are experiencing. This is a crucial step in helping them manage those feelings without exhibiting negative behavior.
This could be as simple as inquiring about what is causing your child to become furious and why, even if you are already aware. Afterward, you can discuss ways to resolve the issue, such as engaging with another toy as they wait for their sibling to finish with the one they originally desired.
“When we teach our child how to communicate using their words, they won’t feel compelled to shout [and] become aggressive to convey their needs,” McCoy remarks.
McCoy also praises using storybooks and other media to initiate discussions about emotions. For example, you could ask your child why they believe a character in their favored book is upset and brainstorm potential solutions.
Aim to pacify the situation
Teaching your child to take deep breaths when they are upset is a popular and effective strategy for defusing furious outbursts.
McCoy states there is a trick to effectively employing that technique: Practice those deep breaths in front of them. Inform your child that you want to take a brief pause from the discussion to take a few deep breaths. Demonstrate how it calms you down and observe if they mimic your actions.
This is because the approach can backfire if children feel as though their parents are compelling them to take deep breaths, she states. “We don’t necessarily impose the deep breath. We can merely exemplify it,” McCoy specifies.
Avoid responding to fury with additional fury
As exasperating as it may be to observe your gentle toddler suddenly unleash their fury, McCoy emphasizes the necessity to remember that they are too young to manage their intense emotions.
Yelling at children can have durable detrimental impacts on their confidence and emotional progression. Even if your irritation is not articulated, your child can still sense your fury, which can escalate the situation.
Stepping back and discussing your own feelings of frustration with your children can be beneficial.
“It comes down to the messages we send [and] the way we model our fury,” McCoy states. “Do we simply yell and then act as if nothing happened? Or do we acknowledge, ‘You know what, I feel frustrated, I accept responsibility, I apologize, and this is how I will change [and] cope with those emotions. And I will demonstrate this for you.’
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